Photos by Kyle Smith
Ever since I came home from the hospital I have been
thinking about writing my birth story. I mostly wanted it for my own personal
records so I could always remember the day that Scout entered our lives. When I
was pregnant particularly towards the end of my pregnancy I loved reading my
friend’s birth stories. They gave me a small glimpse into what it would be like
to give birth to my baby. DISCLAIMER, this is a birth story so if you don’t
want the nitty gritty details then I suggest you go back to the pictures:) So here is my story.
At
about 36 weeks I started preparing myself for the possibility that Scout could
come at any time. The last bit of pregnancy is pretty rough. I felt that I was
in a constant state of limbo. I was secretly hoping that Scout would come a bit
early because I was DONE being pregnant, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up
because most first time moms go past their due dates. Anyways as my due date
approached I was super anxious hoping that Scout would decide to come soon!
Well my due date came and went and needless to say I was kind of disappointed.
Logan was on his spring break and he made it his mission to keep me very busy
so I wouldn’t obsess over when the baby was coming. We went to the beach pretty
much every day, laid by the pool, at spicy foods, went to the movies, and
stayed up late talking.
Well
the day after my due date I went to the doctor at about 8:30am and she told me
that I was dilated 3cm and was 90% effaced. But I was having NO contractions. I
called my mom on my way home from the doctor’s office and she just decided that
it was time to drive down to Irvine. I kept telling her that it could be
another week, but she insisted that the baby was coming soon (I was hoping she
was right). So I went home and laid my giant body on the couch. At about 1pm I started having some
cramps, which I had been having for weeks. To be honest I had no idea if they
were contractions or if they were just the Braxton Hicks tricky pains. I
started timing them just in case and after a few hours I noticed that they were
coming every 20 minutes. Logan was home hanging out and I don’t think he
thought it was the real deal. We kept making plans for the night and decided to
go pick up a pizza and then go and see Cinderella (my choice of course.) We got
in the car to grab the pizza and as we were going over a speed bump I had a
contraction. It was NOT a good combination! It was at that point that Logan and
I realized that this might kind of be the real thing. But don’t worry I still
insisted that we get the pizzaJ
When we got home I got comfortable and started using my hypnobirthing
techniques to get through the pain of my contractions. We wanted to labor at
home for as long as possible because it was more comfortable for both of us. To
be honest my pain was INTENSE, but I was able to breathe through them and re-center
myself after each of contraction. My mom and sister got to the house around 8pm
and we laid around the living room talking about what the next couple of days
would bring. By about 10pm my contractions were about 10 minutes apart. We all
decided to go to bed and get as much sleep as we could since it was bound to be
a long night. I don’t think my mom slept AT ALL. That could be attributed to
the fact that Tani was snoring or that was anxiously waiting for us to come in
the room and tell her it was time to goJ Logan and I went into the bedroom and laid in bed
together. About every 10 minutes I would have a contraction and Logan and hold
me as I breathed in and out. The pain was concentrated in my lower abdomen and
it wrapped around to my lower back. I was so grateful to have Logan there with
me. He was such a source of comfort and strength through the entire night. That
pretty much continued on for the rest of the night and at about 4am my contractions
were about 7 minutes apart and getting stronger. We decided to call the
hospital and they told us that we could go ahead and come in and they would
check me. We then got up and took
our time as we got dressed and ate some cereal and chatted in the still dark
house. Logan loaded the car as Kimala and Tani and I grabbed our last minute
things and then we headed to the hospital in Laguna Hills. I was experiencing a
ton of emotions on the drive down. I was so excited that Scout was on her way,
scared that this wasn’t the real thing and I would be sent home, and
apprehensive to soon be responsible for a new baby. I remember looking over at
Logan as he navigated his way down the 405 and was calmed down immediately,
because I knew I would not be doing this by myself.
We
pulled up in from of the Women’s hospital and after pausing for a contraction
in the parking lot we went upstairs and checked in. They took us into the
triage room and checked me. I was dilated to 5cm and was 100% effaced. They
then tracked my contractions and they were at a solid 9 minutes apart. I was so
excited that I had progressed, but concerned that in 17 hours my contractions
had not gotten closer than 9 minutes apart. They decided to admit me and then
we headed upstairs. Kimala, Tani, Logan and I got my room all organized. When
Dr. Mendelsohn came in she told me that we needed to get my contractions closer
together because at the rate I was going we could be at this for days, which I
knew that I could not take. We decided to take a couple of hours and try to
close that gap a bit. So for two hours I walked, rocked, bounced and tried to
stay as mobile as possible. I was still managing my pain well, but was
concerned about how long I could endure. After 19 hours of labor my contractions
were still 9 minutes apart and I was pretty discouraged. We then decided with
Dr. Mendelsohn that it was time to break my water. She did warn me that if we
did this my contractions would get stronger and closer together very quickly. Then
the pulled out the water breaking stick (yes it’s pretty much just a long
stick) and released the amniotic fluid from my Uterus. It pretty much just felt
like I was peeing my pants. But holy cow it was PAINFUL!
Then
ladies and gentlemen things got REAL! My contractions went from being 9 minutes
apart to 1 minute apart almost immediately. I had decided early on in my
pregnancy that along with Logan I also wanted my mom and my sister to be there
for the birth. My philosophy was that I wanted to be surrounded by people that
bring me comfort and make me feel loved. Logan was pretty much my birth coach
through the whole thing, he was right there for me the entire time saying
comforting things and holding me when the situation permitted. Then Kimala and
Tani were doing EVERYTHING else. They were talking to the nurses, organizing
the room, rubbing my back and feet and basically making me feel safe and
secure. You would think that having three support people would be a crowd in a
situation like this, but it was amazing to see all three of them work together
to take care of me. They were all so respectful of each other and were filled
with so much love for our family.
After it was all over our nurse Heather called us “a well oiled machine”
and said she had never seen people work together like they did.
Sorry
back to the story… After my contractions accelerated and got super painful I
was constantly moving from position to position trying to relieve some of the
pressure I was feeling. My pain scale pretty much shot through the roof and
since my contractions were so close together I was having a difficult time
grounding myself in between them. I couldn’t even talk myself down enough and
as a result I was feeling super panicked. Logan was with me through every
single contraction. He would hold me close and say positive affirmations over
and over again trying to keep me calm. After about two hours of having
contractions one minute apart I distinctly remember laying on the hospital bed
and looking Logan in the eyes. As my contractions were coming on I just kept
saying his name over and over again as I started to cry from the exhaustion. Logan’s
strong expression melted away as he cried with me. He was truly experiencing my
pain with me. As I looked up at everyone else in the room I noticed that they
were all looking away in what I must assume was an attempt to give Logan and I
some privacy for the intimate moment we were experiencing.
At
that point I realized how incredibly exhausted we both were and I decided that
I needed to know how far along I was. I asked them to check me because I was
feeling pretty lost and discouraged. They then told me that I was 7cm!!! Only
7cm!!! I was so incredibly disappointed… At that point the only thing to do was
to keep on going. I continued to labor and at that point my contractions
started to overlap so at times there was no time in between them. After another
hour I looked up at Logan and said, “I need an epidural.” He then immediately
said, “Ok!” and talked to the nurse to get the anesthesiologist on his way. I
had naturally labored for over 20 hours and had dialted to a 7 and for me it
was time to rest. I knew that I could not continue like that and have the
energy to push out my baby. So the anesthesiologist came in after about 45
minutes and got started. My contractions were on top of each other so I just
tried to stay focused on the fact that soon I would be experiencing some
relief. I guess I signed a form and he read me the risks (which I do not
remember at all). As he was
setting up be discovered that Logan was a medical student and had not yet
chosen a specialty. He then took it upon himself to convince Logan that
anesthesiology was the way to go. I remember sitting there bending over into
Logan’s arms going through continuous contractions listening to their
conversation and thinking to myself “Is this really happening? Get to work!!!”
Eventually he got around to it. He had me bend over into Logan’s arms and administered
the numbing agent for the epidural. I felt the initial poke, which hurt but
then after that I didn’t feel much. After the epidural went into affect Logan
and I both laid down together and took a little nap.
We
slept for about an hour and then I asked to be checked again and my nurse
Heather looked up at me and with a smiled announced that I was at a 10 and now
all we had to do was wait for the baby to drop down a bit more and then I could
start pushing. As I was waiting for Scout to drop down I started feeling my
contractions coming back. When I told Heather she said that they did not want
to give me any more epidural because they wanted me to feel my contractions so
I could push. Eventually I felt a little bit of pressure and decided that I
wanted to start pushing, probably a little too early, but I was not going to
wait for my contractions to get gnarly again! They got me all situated on the
bed and after a few practice pushes we went to work. Logan was at my head
staying close and encouraging me. Kimala was fanning me and wiping my forehead
with a washcloth to keep me cool and Tani was down holding my leg. My nurse
asked me if I wanted to use the mirror so I could see my progress and I said
sure! I know it sounds gross, but it was awesome to see my own progress and I
really believe it helped me get her out faster.
After
a few pushes my nurse realized that his was going a bit faster then she thought
so she called Dr. Mendelsohn and told her to hurry over. As I kept pushing we
starting being able to see Scout’s head. Everyone leaned down to check it out
and we were all shocked when we saw that she had dark brown hair (we were
convinced she was going to be a blonde). When my doctor got there she set up
shop and I started pushing as hard as I could. After pushing for about 35
minutes Scout’s heart rate dropped. That was when Dr. Mendelsohn looked at me
and said that I needed to get her out on the next push. I can honestly say I
have never pushed so hard in my entire life, however it was not enough and that
was when she gave me an episiotomy. I have to give Dr. Mendelsohn credit she knew I did not want one and she didn’t want to
give me one either. But my skin was not stretching enough and there were no
signs of tearing yet. After she did that Scout’s head came right out! She then
asked me if I wanted to pull her out. I reached down and hooked my hands under
her arms and pulled her up to my chest. She was so incredibly beautiful that
Logan and I just cried as we looked at her face. Logan was showering me with
kisses telling me what a great job I did as the staff bustled around putting
towels on top of Scout and making sure she was breathing properly. We got to
spend about an hour with her right on my chest before they took her to get
measured and wrapped up. I distinctly remember looking around the room at
Logan, Kimala, Tani and noticing that we were all crying. I was so grateful
that I was surrounded by such love at that moment. I have never experienced
such intense joy as I did at that point.
I
strongly believe that when it comes to pregnancy and delivery that every woman
should have whatever experience she wants. I would not change anything about my
birthing experience. I labored naturally until I was 7cm and my epidural gave
me that much needed rest so that I have the energy and strength to bring Scout
into the world. Having Kimala and Tani with me was such a special and sacred
experience. They both brought something different to the experience and I could
not have imagined doing it without them. And then there is my Logan… He was
literally held me through every single contraction, comforted me when I said
that I couldn’t do it anymore, repeated Scout’s name to me when I was feeling
lost, and held my hand as we welcomed our daughter into the world. Logan is my
everything and I could not have imagined having that experience with anyone
else but him. March 25th was the most wonderful day of my entire
life and I am so grateful that I have been giving the sacred opportunity to be
Scout’s mother. It is by far the most important work that I will do on this
earth and I pray everyday that she will somehow feel the enormous amount of
love that I have for her.
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